What Was

The first month after moving to PA I have really struggled to feel at home here. I still do, but maybe a tiny bit less so. I think if I could pack up and move back to Wheaton tomorrow, I would do that. That longing for the last place we called "home" was kind of surprising to me because I never felt fully at home there either. Plus I never stopped complaining about how ugly it is there. What I've realized though is that we've lived a lot of life in the last 3 years and that's what makes that place so special.

...We've made out first home together as a couple there (that didn't involve living on a campus in an apartment owed by school)
...We went through 3 super-exhausting years of school and work
...We have made some amazing friends there, many of which, I am confident, will be life-long relationships
...We were blessed to be a part of an exceptionally amazing church. It is there that I have had some very memorable encounters with God
...We conceived, birthed and baptized our precious son
...We have suffered many disappointments, unrealized dreams and discouragement, but have also seen God's provision and goodness over and over

I can say a lot more about that season, but the point is it was quite a special chapter in our lives (mine and my husband's). And the truth is, it does not feel like a FINISHED chapter. I really want to continue nurturing the relationships that were formed there. During the last 3 years, I feel like that's the biggest sacrifice the school has required of me--not having sufficient time and energy for nurturing relationships. Therefore, I feel a lingering sadness/regret/loss about them. I also feel like I never really got involved in our church as much (or even close to) as I wanted to. 

...I feel like I have better clarity as to why I felt so angry and sad about having to move. I can see that it is the unfinish-ness of the chapter that makes me grieve the losses that come from getting uprooted from it. I have moved a lot in my life and Wheaton was as close to a home as I have ever felt.

It feels right to leave this post a little unfinished, just like the chapter I was talking about :)

I am back!

It's been a long while since I've last written on this blog. Been a little busy finishing grad school, dissertation, having a baby and moving to another state...But I am back now, I think! I've missed writing. There is something that it does to my soul that nothing else can really replace.

I've been doing some reflecting over the past month or so, on what was, what is, and what is to come (hmm...can I get any broader than that?). I might make it into my next 3 posts here even. I think I will! Stay tuned ;)